While writing this, it is 2:37 in the morning, the day of my last final. I took a break from studying to write this. There are lectures unwatched, homework unreviewed, and concepts wished to not be on the final. Hoping for an A on the final is ignorant. Hoping for an A in the class is wishful thinking. I did not play this one right. I don't want to do this anymore. This is the first quarter of 9, and this sucks. All I can do now is reflect and plan for a better next time. I am hoping this is the revelation of that this is not working or sustainable or even enjoyable. I am hoping this is the beginning of a new, a new journey. So, I am beginning this, a new year's resolution... in December (No reason new year's have to be on new year's. Any time is a time for change). As we all know, it is much easier to plan than it is to follow through. This doesn't mean, however, that we shouldn't plan. So I am making this series of journal entries: "From Chaos to". Hopefully, this will make the pull of quitting a little less strong.
I don't like cramming. I don't like staying up until, now, 2:54AM. I don't like failing to complete my finals to the best of my abilities. I want change. After reading some Reddit comments about treating school as work, I have been inspired. This person would start doing homework or attending class at 9AM everyday. Then, even if they completed all their assigned work before 5PM, they would continue: reading, researching, etc. They even tested out of a few classes half way through, because they were doing work faster than the class was. They said they enjoyed it and made their over all life better. Of course, this requires extreme discipline, but I want this: some sort of normalcy, consistency, and structure.
During Winter break, I will be thinking about what would work for me. What sleep schedule? What hours worked? And, hopefully, by January 4, the start of classes, I will have a plan of structure that I may follow through with. This isn't something I want to try for a few days and give up on with some excuse. This is something I want to follow me for the rest of my life. I need structure.